Musings on modesty: The Closet Project, Part 3

The modesty debate typically takes the forefront during warmer months, when the questions of "how short is too short?" and "one-piece or two-piece?" are on every Christian woman's mind. For me, those questions have fairly easy answers. I struggle more with modesty the rest of the year, to be honest. It seems like it should be easier when it's cold, right? Your natural instinct is to cover up and stay warm. But there is a big difference between merely covering your body and doing so modestly. You could be fully covered and warm in tights and a skin-tight sweater, but would that be modest?

Let me ask the question another way. Have you ever put something on and felt uncomfortable? I'm not talking about the feel of the fabric or other details that can cause discomfort. I mean how you felt, what you thought about yourself as you looked in the mirror. Did your eyes immediately move to a body part you are self-conscious about? Did you mentally resolve to eat better or exercise in order to drop a few pounds? Did you tug and pull at the fabric to try and cover yourself better?

I don't know for sure about you, but I know I've been there, and I'm willing to bet you have too. It's not a good feeling. You definitely don't want anyone to see you in that particular item or outfit. You feel exposed. You certainly don't feel beautiful. The piece of clothing in question doesn't have to be a too-short, too-tight skirt, either. It could just as easily be a lovely wool sweater that's just a bit too tight, or a pair of jeans that don't do your body justice.

There have been numerous attempts to quantify modesty over the years, but I think the above situation offers the best one I can think of: if you don't feel comfortable in it, it's not modest. Again, we aren't talking about physical discomfort (though if your outfit is that tight, it's definitely immodest!). God created us beautifully in His image, so there is nothing inherently wrong with our bodies. There is something wrong, however, with dressing in such a way that we feel overexposed and self-conscious. There’s nothing beautiful or appealing about clothing that barely covers you. The only appeal might be to the men around us, and even that is purely visceral. There is a time and place for that type of appeal, but it’s not at school, work, or while you’re walking down the street.

If you feel as though you can’t walk into just any store and find clothes that you feel comfortable buying and wearing, you’re not alone. Fashion and modesty often seem to be at odds with one another, and it’s tempting to buy and wear things that you feel uncomfortable in just to fit in. Furthermore, if a particular trend doesn’t look right on your body, it’s easy to blame yourself and want to change your body so the clothes look good. I’m pretty sure that’s not what God had in mind when He created us – “perfectly and wonderfully made”, unless we’re talking skinny jeans or halter tops. The same goes for the other extreme – feeling so ashamed of your body that you hide under shapeless layers, telling yourself that this is modesty.

There are plenty of styles that are both flattering and modest. Think about women whose style you admire. They know what looks good on them and they wear it. Almost without exception, they are attractive without being overexposed, and they don’t force themselves into things that don’t fit or flatter their unique shape. They find ways to incorporate trends while still doing their bodies justice. Most of all, they look confident, and that confidence is a beautiful thing – an accessory that never goes out of style. Modesty doesn’t have to hold you back when it comes to looking good and feeling good about how you look; it can be the very thing that leads you to dress attractively. Remember that the next time you look in the mirror.

The Closet Project, Part 2: The Big Purge

In case you missed it, I'm cleaning out my closet! In an effort to only own clothes I wear regularly, I'm going to sell or donate my excess clothing and put together a wardrobe that works for me, here and now. I'm writing about my progressif you 'd like to follow along - just look for "The Closet Project" posts!

While going through your clothes and getting rid of what doesn't fit might seem like a strange thing to do 4 months after having a baby (or two babies!), I decided to do it anyway. At this point, I'm about 10 lbs from where I was pre-pregnancy. I'm pretty sure I can tell what fits, what will fit, and what is always going to look odd on this new body of mine. I'm not going to pretend that this isn't a bit hard on the ol' self esteem - I don't really avoid mirrors right now, but I don't linger in front of them, either - but I keep reminding myself that in order to always feel good about how I look, this needs to be done.

If you're in a similar place, I've gathered some tips that will help you get through this process quickly and efficiently, and leave you feeling good about the choices you've made. I did this (mostly) by myself, after Emily and Erin were in bed. It can be helpful to have someone there to talk you through what to keep and what to get rid of, but you need to choose your help wisely. I find that I can be more ruthless by myself when it comes to clothes - because I'm good at buying cute things, but I'm not good at buying cute things that go with other cute things. Thus, I spend a lot of time telling my helper "It is cute, but I never wear it!" to justify getting rid of something. This takes time, and causes second-guessing. Neither one of these is good when it comes to cleaning your closet. In addition, we moved a month ago, moved 6 months before that, and had moved 6 months before that. Every time we moved, I made an effort to get rid of some of my clothes.

Tip #1: Find a well-fitting top and pair of jeans (or a skirt, if that's what you wear most) for trying on items you're not sure about. If nothing in your closet fits well, start by buying something that does. (I had to go buy a top!) You want them to not just fit, but make you feel good when you look in the mirror. The last thing you want to do is stare at yourself in an outfit that doesn't fit on top or bottom - trust me on this one! In addition, it's hard to tell if your shirt fits if your jeans are too tight, and vice versa. Set these aside, where you can grab them quickly. Also, if you don't have a full-length mirror, find one (you can buy them pretty inexpensively at Target or similar stores) and hang it in your bedroom for the purposes of this project. I recommend leaving it there, either attached to the back of a door or a wall, if you've got wall space.

Tip #2: Wear shoes, whatever you wear most often. It will give you a better idea of how things really fit. If you're on the short side, like me, it will help you see if any of your pants need hemming to be wearable. I wore my Dansko clogs, which also made standing for two hours more comfortable. (Side note: if you've never heard of these shoes, I recommend giving them a try! They are great for your feet and back, and come in lots of styles. I wear mine almost all the time since I'm on my feet so much!)

Tip #3: If you're strongly sentimental about something (not everything!), keep it. Just don't go overboard. I kept an outfit I wore on our honeymoon, even though it doesn't fit perfectly right now, because I just can't bring myself to get rid of it. That's just one shirt, one tank top, a zip-up sweatshirt, and jeans (which were already being kept), though - not too much in the grand scheme of things. Don't go overboard here, and definitely don't keep everything for this reason, but cut yourself some slack when it comes to sentiment. You can always get rid of it later, but you won't be able to get it back.

I started last night by cleaning out my dresser, actually. Since we have a really tiny closet, I have a lot of my clothes in the dresser. I figured to really make this work, I'd have to clean both. I started with the messiest drawer and took everything out. As I pulled it out, I decided whether it was worth keeping or not, basing my decision on these five rules. I made two piles accordingly. If I found myself putting two similar items in the "keep" pile, I tried to pick the one that fit best and had the most wear left in it. If I wasn't sure how something fit, I tried it on, using my "control" shirt or jeans to gauge how I felt about it. If I still wasn't sure, I went and asked Dan what he thought. The process went surprisingly fast. I didn't bother folding and putting away clothes between drawers, since not everything was in the right drawer to start with. I also wanted to try to keep the two piles about even, so I needed to leave the keepers out next to the "get rid of" pile.

When I was done with the dresser, I moved on to the closet. I didn't try on any of my dresses, since I'm fairly sure they'll fit again once we wean, and because trying on dressy clothes can be time-consuming. I only have six dresses, of varying styles and materials, so they aren't a major component of my wardrobe either. I found several tops and a few pairs of jeans that weren't worth keeping, and sorted them accordingly. I didn't take everything out of the closet, because it was pretty well organized to start with (see #7) but if yours isn't, you should take your clothes out a few at a time. There are tons of resources on cleaning and organizing a closet, so I won't bore you with tips - just make sure your system makes sense to you (and your spouse, if he/she puts the laundry away!).

When I'd pared the contents of the closet down to my satisfaction, I started putting things away. I folded everything from the dresser and put it back in the appropriate drawers. For the first time since we bought it, everything fit and the drawers closed easily! I replaced a few things that actually belonged in the closet, and pulled empty hangers to the middle. (Side note: if you don't already, remove the empty hangers when you take something out of your closet - it makes putting clean clothes away much easier!) After I put away all the keepers, I folded and put away a load of laundry. I figured that would be the moment of truth, but everything fit, with a little room to spare!

I'm feeling pretty confident about the results of this first step. I still need to go through and create outfits, adding accessories as needed, and replace some pieces that are almost worn out. I have some clothes to sell, so I am planning on hitting up my favorite used clothing store to see if I can trade for some things I need. Most of all, I'm planning to make sure the "get rid of" pile finds its way out of the house quickly so it doesn't just become more clutter!

Has anybody else started cleaning out their closet? How did it go? Comment below and let me know!

The Closet Project

I'm sure by now, everyone's heard the statement that we women wear 20 percent of our clothes 80 percent of the time. This surely accounts for the collective groan at 6 am in every time zone of "I have nothing to wear!" Let's assume that most women are wearing a different outfit every day for a week. This seems reasonable, given that we're all busy, many of us work, and all of us have responsibilities. If we are blessed with such abundance that we can only wear 20 percent of our clothes and still have 7 different outfits, that means we have at least 35 outfits. And we still have pajamas, underwear, workout clothes, dressy clothes . . . I don't know about you, but that seems a bit excessive to me.

So I'm putting my closet on a diet. I'm going to try and edit what I've got so I only own clothes that I wear regularly. If there is something I own that doesn't get worn regularly, there needs to be a good reason for keeping it (special occasions, maternity clothes, etc.). While I'm at it, I'm going to try and add a few pieces into the mix so that I can make nice, modest, appropriate outfits for my life as it is now.

My reasons for doing this? Well, there are a few. I believe that God calls us to be good stewards, and this includes owning reasonable amounts of possessions and sharing unneeded things with those who are less fortunate. I also want to set a good example for Emily and Erin. I don't want them to believe that they need dozens of outfits to be happy. Another reason is the closet space in our home. We live in an adorable little 1950s-era house, with 1950s-era closets. While we have some additional drawer space for clothes, it still leaves us with about 5 feet of hanging space. I need to measure, but I don't think there's more than that, and there might actually be less! My goal is for all of our clothes (Dan's included!) to fit in the space we've got, with a few exceptions. Lastly, if I blog about this it keeps me accountable. Not least because Dan will read this and ask me when half a bunch of my clothes are headed to St. Vincent de Paul!

So here are the rules I've made for myself.

1. Only keep what fits and flatters. (Exceptions: maternity clothes, nice dresses that may fit once the babies are weaned)

2. Only keep what is worn regularly. (Exceptions: special occasion clothes, maternity clothes, seasonal clothes)

3. Only keep what fits with my current role and lifestyle. On a regular basis, I wear simple cotton t-shirts, button-down shirts, jeans, sweaters, and simple skirts or dresses for church. I have to wear a collared shirt for work, so I do own a few (ok, about 25) tops that I might not wear if it weren't for that, but they will mostly be staying, even if they don't all earn a place in the closet.

4. Only keep what is reasonably modest. I am still figuring out what my exact standards are for modesty, but I know not everything in my current wardrobe meets them. Eventually, I know I need to come up with something specific, but for now, I'm going to try things on and see how I feel in them.

5. Only keep things that go with at least one other item. If I need to purchase something to make it wearable, that new item must go with at least one other item. This one is a bit complicated, but I know I need to have a rule like this to combat unnecessary expansion.

Depending on the way things go, I may come up with additional rules and/or exceptions, but I think this will be a good start.

Anyone interested in joining me? Comment below and let me know your plans!