Planning to fail

I have a love-hate relationship with planning. That is to say, I love the idea of planning, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only mom who feels that way. I truly admire those who can say with confidence that they know exactly what they will do each day, espousing the virtues of weekly menus and chore charts. I also think they're lying. Well, maybe "lying" isn't exactly the word I want. Exaggerating? Being overly optimistic? The fact is, every time I attempt to make some semblance of a plan, life happens. I'm too busy, too tired, too sick, or I just plain don't feel like following through. And then I feel like a failure, because I made a plan and didn't stick to it. I have to remind myself that if we're all reasonably clean, fed, and alive at the end of the day, things are going okay. Riiight. It's pretty easy to say, but much harder to believe, this idea that simply surviving can be succeeding.

There really isn't anything wrong with planning, per se. The problem is in the execution. It's all very well to make a list of things you want and need to do in a day and figure out when to do them. The problem comes when, at the end of the day, you know you did things that needed to be done, yet the to-do list remains unchecked. Incidentally, these are the nights I dream of being chased by pencils, unending lists of chores with their teeth bared (what? Your dream chore lists don't have teeth? Get with the program!) and the house collapsing under the weight of the undone chores. The laws of physics clearly do not apply in the land of nightmares, because it would obviously be the crawl space collapsing and not the house, but... I digress.

Maybe the answer is to plan to fail. I know, it sounds preposterously dumb, but hear me out. If you anticipate life and its twists and turns, maybe planning works. For example, this might mean picking up a frozen pizza along with all of the from-scratch ingredients at the grocery store, knowing that you won't be able to get dinner on the table every night without it. Maybe it means only washing one load of laundry each day, instead of trying to do five in one day. Maybe it means allowing six hours, as I did today, to get four errands done. The funny thing about planning for failure is that when the inevitable happens, it's not nearly as frustrating. I smell a catchy slogan - "planning to fail takes the fail out of failure!" Yikes. Maybe not. But you get the idea.

After all, we moms plan for failure all the time...if we didn't, there'd be no such thing as diaper bags or bibs. But collectively (with the help of Pinterest) we seem to have fallen short when it comes to allowing for life to intervene on a daily basis. So my goal this week is to plan for failure. Won't you join me? I have a feeling we'll get a lot more done!

I'm linking up with Megan at Positively (Im)perfect for Make it Count Monday!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 20: 7 Random Facts

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

I decided to do something a little different this week - I thought I'd share seven random facts about myself, so here goes!

--- 1 ---

I really like cookbooks, especially from the 1940s-1950s. I think I may have written about this before, but it bears repeating - I don't know anyone else who has four plastic underbed boxes filled with vintage cookbooks under their bed! I always know where I can find a good recipe, and I have recipes for a lot of things most people don't even think of making from scratch (and I've made some of them!)

--- 2 ---

I actually love vegetables, and most healthy food. I am sure I was the only first-grader who wrote "spinach" as her favorite food. I definitely enjoy desserts, and these days I find myself eating whatever's handy more than I used to, but dinner at our house always includes a vegetable or two (or three!).

--- 3 ---

I've been writing since I was a little kid. I used to write and illustrate stories with my dad, and he got me my own toy printing press with little rubber letters (yes, toys used to actually make you do things) so I could print my own newspaper. I was hooked. I've been writing ever since, and I went on to major in journalism. These days, I write about our fun-filled life as a newly made family of four!

--- 4 ---

I like grocery shopping. Yeah, I know, sounds a little weird, but it's my favorite thing about being a "grown-up". I love to cook (see #1) so getting the ingredients is naturally something I enjoy

--- 5 ---

I like to make things. While I wouldn't call myself crafty, I have a lot of fun with Pinterest-style projects, and I think there is a lot of value in something homemade. I have big plans to make Christmas presents this year - stay tuned for some upcoming gift-themed blog posts!

--- 6 ---

I also like to fix things around the house. Hey, I work at a hardware store. My mom told me when I was pretty small that her mother (my grandmother) had told her it was important for her to know how to fix things around the house, since her husband would either be at work or be too busy or too tired to fix it for her. To me, this rings true even 50-some years later. It's important to know how to fix things! She taught me how to do simple fix-it projects myself, and when we got married I got my own tool set. It's served me well so far!

--- 7 ---

I really love going for "coffee walks". In case you aren't familiar with the concept, we like to get a cup of coffee (or bring a travel mug) and go for a walk. Sometimes we walk to get the coffee, sometimes we get it on the way, but it's definitely the best kind of walk. Emily and Erin's stroller has cup holders, not just for kiddos but for Mommy and Daddy, so they can join us in this tradition. If you've never tried this, you definitely should!

That's all for this week. Thanks for reading! I hope you all have a great weekend!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Musings on modesty: The Closet Project, Part 3

The modesty debate typically takes the forefront during warmer months, when the questions of "how short is too short?" and "one-piece or two-piece?" are on every Christian woman's mind. For me, those questions have fairly easy answers. I struggle more with modesty the rest of the year, to be honest. It seems like it should be easier when it's cold, right? Your natural instinct is to cover up and stay warm. But there is a big difference between merely covering your body and doing so modestly. You could be fully covered and warm in tights and a skin-tight sweater, but would that be modest?

Let me ask the question another way. Have you ever put something on and felt uncomfortable? I'm not talking about the feel of the fabric or other details that can cause discomfort. I mean how you felt, what you thought about yourself as you looked in the mirror. Did your eyes immediately move to a body part you are self-conscious about? Did you mentally resolve to eat better or exercise in order to drop a few pounds? Did you tug and pull at the fabric to try and cover yourself better?

I don't know for sure about you, but I know I've been there, and I'm willing to bet you have too. It's not a good feeling. You definitely don't want anyone to see you in that particular item or outfit. You feel exposed. You certainly don't feel beautiful. The piece of clothing in question doesn't have to be a too-short, too-tight skirt, either. It could just as easily be a lovely wool sweater that's just a bit too tight, or a pair of jeans that don't do your body justice.

There have been numerous attempts to quantify modesty over the years, but I think the above situation offers the best one I can think of: if you don't feel comfortable in it, it's not modest. Again, we aren't talking about physical discomfort (though if your outfit is that tight, it's definitely immodest!). God created us beautifully in His image, so there is nothing inherently wrong with our bodies. There is something wrong, however, with dressing in such a way that we feel overexposed and self-conscious. There’s nothing beautiful or appealing about clothing that barely covers you. The only appeal might be to the men around us, and even that is purely visceral. There is a time and place for that type of appeal, but it’s not at school, work, or while you’re walking down the street.

If you feel as though you can’t walk into just any store and find clothes that you feel comfortable buying and wearing, you’re not alone. Fashion and modesty often seem to be at odds with one another, and it’s tempting to buy and wear things that you feel uncomfortable in just to fit in. Furthermore, if a particular trend doesn’t look right on your body, it’s easy to blame yourself and want to change your body so the clothes look good. I’m pretty sure that’s not what God had in mind when He created us – “perfectly and wonderfully made”, unless we’re talking skinny jeans or halter tops. The same goes for the other extreme – feeling so ashamed of your body that you hide under shapeless layers, telling yourself that this is modesty.

There are plenty of styles that are both flattering and modest. Think about women whose style you admire. They know what looks good on them and they wear it. Almost without exception, they are attractive without being overexposed, and they don’t force themselves into things that don’t fit or flatter their unique shape. They find ways to incorporate trends while still doing their bodies justice. Most of all, they look confident, and that confidence is a beautiful thing – an accessory that never goes out of style. Modesty doesn’t have to hold you back when it comes to looking good and feeling good about how you look; it can be the very thing that leads you to dress attractively. Remember that the next time you look in the mirror.

On being (more) organized...

I've become a little obsessed these days with the idea of organization. By obsessed, I of course mean an unfulfilled longing for something that seems less and less attainable every day. I love the feeling of knowing where everything is, being able to plan ahead and make things work. I am actually pretty good at coming up with ideas for organizing, but somehow I've always had problems making them work. This is usually due to being too tired or distracted to a) get the right things together or b) put in the extra time at first to create a new habit.

Enter the personality test. I've taken them before, and I know that they don't spell the exact parameters of you as a person, but they can offer interesting insight. My personality was defined as ENFP, and one of the descriptors was loving the creative process but balking at actual implementation. Hey....that sounds just like me!

Now that I know where the problem most likely is, I can tackle it better. Truth be told, I'm sure there are tons of disorganized people out there. The Container Store wouldn't be such a success otherwise (or maybe it would? Brain-bender there. Can't think about that right now!) So a sense of inadequacy isn't necessary - just a sense of how much the effort to get things together pays off over time. Motivation, if you will.

Example? Refilling the diaper bag before we're trying to walk out the door (hey, I guess it beats leaving the diaper bag at home altogether, right?) It doesn't seem like a big thing, but it's a habit to cultivate. The first stop when you get home is the changing table anyway, and it only takes a few extra seconds to drop a handful of diapers into the bag and take out any dirty clothes, bibs, or burp cloths and replace them. Then voila, you're ready the next time. Organization isn't necessarily extra work, it just means doing the necessary work in a more logical order. That last line might be the greatest lightbulb moment ever.

So now I'm curious. How do you go about making great ideas work for you? How do you get started? What's the best thing you've ever done to get organized? Share below in the comments!

The Closet Project, Part 2: The Big Purge

In case you missed it, I'm cleaning out my closet! In an effort to only own clothes I wear regularly, I'm going to sell or donate my excess clothing and put together a wardrobe that works for me, here and now. I'm writing about my progressif you 'd like to follow along - just look for "The Closet Project" posts!

While going through your clothes and getting rid of what doesn't fit might seem like a strange thing to do 4 months after having a baby (or two babies!), I decided to do it anyway. At this point, I'm about 10 lbs from where I was pre-pregnancy. I'm pretty sure I can tell what fits, what will fit, and what is always going to look odd on this new body of mine. I'm not going to pretend that this isn't a bit hard on the ol' self esteem - I don't really avoid mirrors right now, but I don't linger in front of them, either - but I keep reminding myself that in order to always feel good about how I look, this needs to be done.

If you're in a similar place, I've gathered some tips that will help you get through this process quickly and efficiently, and leave you feeling good about the choices you've made. I did this (mostly) by myself, after Emily and Erin were in bed. It can be helpful to have someone there to talk you through what to keep and what to get rid of, but you need to choose your help wisely. I find that I can be more ruthless by myself when it comes to clothes - because I'm good at buying cute things, but I'm not good at buying cute things that go with other cute things. Thus, I spend a lot of time telling my helper "It is cute, but I never wear it!" to justify getting rid of something. This takes time, and causes second-guessing. Neither one of these is good when it comes to cleaning your closet. In addition, we moved a month ago, moved 6 months before that, and had moved 6 months before that. Every time we moved, I made an effort to get rid of some of my clothes.

Tip #1: Find a well-fitting top and pair of jeans (or a skirt, if that's what you wear most) for trying on items you're not sure about. If nothing in your closet fits well, start by buying something that does. (I had to go buy a top!) You want them to not just fit, but make you feel good when you look in the mirror. The last thing you want to do is stare at yourself in an outfit that doesn't fit on top or bottom - trust me on this one! In addition, it's hard to tell if your shirt fits if your jeans are too tight, and vice versa. Set these aside, where you can grab them quickly. Also, if you don't have a full-length mirror, find one (you can buy them pretty inexpensively at Target or similar stores) and hang it in your bedroom for the purposes of this project. I recommend leaving it there, either attached to the back of a door or a wall, if you've got wall space.

Tip #2: Wear shoes, whatever you wear most often. It will give you a better idea of how things really fit. If you're on the short side, like me, it will help you see if any of your pants need hemming to be wearable. I wore my Dansko clogs, which also made standing for two hours more comfortable. (Side note: if you've never heard of these shoes, I recommend giving them a try! They are great for your feet and back, and come in lots of styles. I wear mine almost all the time since I'm on my feet so much!)

Tip #3: If you're strongly sentimental about something (not everything!), keep it. Just don't go overboard. I kept an outfit I wore on our honeymoon, even though it doesn't fit perfectly right now, because I just can't bring myself to get rid of it. That's just one shirt, one tank top, a zip-up sweatshirt, and jeans (which were already being kept), though - not too much in the grand scheme of things. Don't go overboard here, and definitely don't keep everything for this reason, but cut yourself some slack when it comes to sentiment. You can always get rid of it later, but you won't be able to get it back.

I started last night by cleaning out my dresser, actually. Since we have a really tiny closet, I have a lot of my clothes in the dresser. I figured to really make this work, I'd have to clean both. I started with the messiest drawer and took everything out. As I pulled it out, I decided whether it was worth keeping or not, basing my decision on these five rules. I made two piles accordingly. If I found myself putting two similar items in the "keep" pile, I tried to pick the one that fit best and had the most wear left in it. If I wasn't sure how something fit, I tried it on, using my "control" shirt or jeans to gauge how I felt about it. If I still wasn't sure, I went and asked Dan what he thought. The process went surprisingly fast. I didn't bother folding and putting away clothes between drawers, since not everything was in the right drawer to start with. I also wanted to try to keep the two piles about even, so I needed to leave the keepers out next to the "get rid of" pile.

When I was done with the dresser, I moved on to the closet. I didn't try on any of my dresses, since I'm fairly sure they'll fit again once we wean, and because trying on dressy clothes can be time-consuming. I only have six dresses, of varying styles and materials, so they aren't a major component of my wardrobe either. I found several tops and a few pairs of jeans that weren't worth keeping, and sorted them accordingly. I didn't take everything out of the closet, because it was pretty well organized to start with (see #7) but if yours isn't, you should take your clothes out a few at a time. There are tons of resources on cleaning and organizing a closet, so I won't bore you with tips - just make sure your system makes sense to you (and your spouse, if he/she puts the laundry away!).

When I'd pared the contents of the closet down to my satisfaction, I started putting things away. I folded everything from the dresser and put it back in the appropriate drawers. For the first time since we bought it, everything fit and the drawers closed easily! I replaced a few things that actually belonged in the closet, and pulled empty hangers to the middle. (Side note: if you don't already, remove the empty hangers when you take something out of your closet - it makes putting clean clothes away much easier!) After I put away all the keepers, I folded and put away a load of laundry. I figured that would be the moment of truth, but everything fit, with a little room to spare!

I'm feeling pretty confident about the results of this first step. I still need to go through and create outfits, adding accessories as needed, and replace some pieces that are almost worn out. I have some clothes to sell, so I am planning on hitting up my favorite used clothing store to see if I can trade for some things I need. Most of all, I'm planning to make sure the "get rid of" pile finds its way out of the house quickly so it doesn't just become more clutter!

Has anybody else started cleaning out their closet? How did it go? Comment below and let me know!

The Closet Project

I'm sure by now, everyone's heard the statement that we women wear 20 percent of our clothes 80 percent of the time. This surely accounts for the collective groan at 6 am in every time zone of "I have nothing to wear!" Let's assume that most women are wearing a different outfit every day for a week. This seems reasonable, given that we're all busy, many of us work, and all of us have responsibilities. If we are blessed with such abundance that we can only wear 20 percent of our clothes and still have 7 different outfits, that means we have at least 35 outfits. And we still have pajamas, underwear, workout clothes, dressy clothes . . . I don't know about you, but that seems a bit excessive to me.

So I'm putting my closet on a diet. I'm going to try and edit what I've got so I only own clothes that I wear regularly. If there is something I own that doesn't get worn regularly, there needs to be a good reason for keeping it (special occasions, maternity clothes, etc.). While I'm at it, I'm going to try and add a few pieces into the mix so that I can make nice, modest, appropriate outfits for my life as it is now.

My reasons for doing this? Well, there are a few. I believe that God calls us to be good stewards, and this includes owning reasonable amounts of possessions and sharing unneeded things with those who are less fortunate. I also want to set a good example for Emily and Erin. I don't want them to believe that they need dozens of outfits to be happy. Another reason is the closet space in our home. We live in an adorable little 1950s-era house, with 1950s-era closets. While we have some additional drawer space for clothes, it still leaves us with about 5 feet of hanging space. I need to measure, but I don't think there's more than that, and there might actually be less! My goal is for all of our clothes (Dan's included!) to fit in the space we've got, with a few exceptions. Lastly, if I blog about this it keeps me accountable. Not least because Dan will read this and ask me when half a bunch of my clothes are headed to St. Vincent de Paul!

So here are the rules I've made for myself.

1. Only keep what fits and flatters. (Exceptions: maternity clothes, nice dresses that may fit once the babies are weaned)

2. Only keep what is worn regularly. (Exceptions: special occasion clothes, maternity clothes, seasonal clothes)

3. Only keep what fits with my current role and lifestyle. On a regular basis, I wear simple cotton t-shirts, button-down shirts, jeans, sweaters, and simple skirts or dresses for church. I have to wear a collared shirt for work, so I do own a few (ok, about 25) tops that I might not wear if it weren't for that, but they will mostly be staying, even if they don't all earn a place in the closet.

4. Only keep what is reasonably modest. I am still figuring out what my exact standards are for modesty, but I know not everything in my current wardrobe meets them. Eventually, I know I need to come up with something specific, but for now, I'm going to try things on and see how I feel in them.

5. Only keep things that go with at least one other item. If I need to purchase something to make it wearable, that new item must go with at least one other item. This one is a bit complicated, but I know I need to have a rule like this to combat unnecessary expansion.

Depending on the way things go, I may come up with additional rules and/or exceptions, but I think this will be a good start.

Anyone interested in joining me? Comment below and let me know your plans!

A little about our family

How we met
My husband Dan and I met in high school in our church's youth group, in 2004. We found we had a lot in common: we both liked running, sports, time at the coast, going for walks, and while Dan didn't share my love of cooking, he did like to eat. Dan's learning to cook now, and I've learned to watch football (I even took a couple classes on it!) We started dating partway through the school year and continued through college, even though we went to different schools directly out of high school. After our freshman year of college, we both attended University of Oregon, and in July 2007, we got engaged. We were married one year later, on July 12, 2008.

Posing with our cake before we cut it.

Our new life together
We are both from Eugene, so we knew we wanted to start our new life together here. Luckily, we both had good jobs and found a nice starter apartment within a few weeks of graduation. Since we got married about a month later, this meant a lot of changes in just a few short weeks!
The first couple of years we were married, we focused on spending as much time together as possible. We knew we would be postponing starting a family for those years, since I was having my teeth straightened and couldn't finish the treatment without a number of X-rays and a possible surgery (not recommended during pregnancy). That's a whole story in and of itself, but suffice it to say I am thankful every day for my improved bite and my fantastic post-braces smile!
Since both of us tend to work long hours and our schedules didn't always overlap, we tried to plan little getaways to the coast or to visit friends in Portland or Seattle. The highlight of these trips was a ten-day road trip in 2010, where we drove down the Oregon and California coasts to Carmel, California, and then headed up to San Francisco for a few days before driving home.

Sure, you can pose with a streetcar in San Francisco- you just have to be at the baseball stadium!

This past summer, we did take one trip up to Seattle in early June, but we spent the majority of the summer focusing on something else: making our living space work for us instead of merely adapting to whatever space we were presented with after a move. We have moved a few times since we got married, once to get closer to Dan's work so we could keep living with one car, and once last summer to improve our living space. Look for an upcoming post detailing why we made this move and how it changed our lives for the better. Most recently, we were able to move into a two-bedroom apartment so we would have an extra room for our nursery - in case you haven't heard, we're expecting twin girls in June!

Me, 30 weeks pregnant

Getting ready for life as four
Over the past weeks, while I've been on bed rest to help prolong my pregnancy, my husband and our parents have been working hard to get the nursery ready for our girls. I am allowed up for small chunks of time during the day, so I've seen the progress and had input on many of the aspects so far. It's been a blessing knowing that we are opening our life together as two for the two little girls squirming inside me right now. The nursery is certainly the most tangible evidence of this, although the feeling has been there the whole time.
What about God's plan?
Though I've already written about the moment when we found out we were having twins, and plan to write more about my pregnancy, I haven't touched much on how much of a wake-up call this was for me. I was raised Catholic, as was my husband, and we continue to practice our faith. While we were dating and engaged, as well as in our early years of marriage, we'd discussed how many children we thought we'd have. I grew up with just one brother, while my husband has two younger siblings. Obviously, our experiences shaped our beliefs about the perfect family size. As our new family went from fantasy to reality when I got pregnant, I began to wonder anew about how many children we would have. I'd always pictured two, probably because that's what I grew up with. We knew we wanted to be young parents, to share our life with our kids instead of feeling like we had to sit back and watch them have fun. I could picture us playing with two little ones, running with them in the jogging stroller, eating meals together. I can think of so many times in my life where I looked to the future with exactly this type of image. My plan for the future. What about God's plan?
Around that time, someone had told me "the best way to make God laugh is to tell him YOUR plan". This resonated with me for some reason, and I began to feel more comfortable with our upcoming journey as a family, however many of us there might be. It was only about a week later that we went in for our first ultrasound and saw two tiny hearts beating on the screen. Ever since that day, I have had a deep sense of calm in regards to my pregnancy, knowing that this, like everything else, is part of a larger plan for us and for our life.
As a pregnant mama of twins, I get asked pretty frequently if the girls were a "surprise". After 7 months of answering this question, I am very comfortable with my answer: "They were a surprise, and we feel very blessed." Our little blessings, Emily Grace and Erin Maureen, are expected to join us sometime in the next 5 weeks or so. We can hardly wait to meet them, the tiny bundles that have been cradled so safely in my belly for the last 7 1/2 months. Their daddy loves to feel them wiggle, hiccup, and kick, and both of us want nothing more than to cradle them in our arms and let them know how loved they are.