The long, slow recovery

I just woke up from a nap. I feel pretty normal right now. When my alarm went off at 4:45 this morning, I felt groggy and sluggish, which is pretty normal for that hour of the day. I felt better once I'd had some coffee. But as soon as I started moving around, I felt dizzy, a little unsteady, and that faint, yet familiar ache in the top of my head.  Yep. Not quite there yet. I have to be extra careful not to trip over things and really focus on doing only one thing at a time when I feel like that.

Yesterday was much worse. I had to go home early from work because my head felt like it was going to split in two. The pain isn't necessarily what bothers me - it's not knowing exactly what's causing it that I don't like. My doctor doesn't really like that either, so he's having me get an MRI Thursday  to see what's going on in my head. (Cue ALL the bad jokes!) Rest usually helps the most with the headaches. Conveniently, I am home during my girls' naptime every day, so as long as I can convince them to go down, I can sleep for a while too. That's mostly how I make it through the day right now.

But then there are the other days - the ones with doctor's appointments, errands, etc, in the afternoon. Those are much harder. I still try to sneak in a quick catnap when I get home, but it doesn't always work out. By the end of those days, my poor brain is exhausted. I feel like I have the flu - in my head only. My doctor phrased it yesterday as feeling like I was getting over meningitis. Well, that explains a lot.

This recovery process is so slow. I've never been good at patience - in fact, I've given up impatience twice for Lent. That there should tell you something. I want a list of things to do and not to do, and a prescribed timeline to feel better. Instead, there are nebulous phrases - weeks, maybe months - of time that I won't quite feel like myself. Sometimes that means me with a headache. Sometimes that means tired like I haven't slept in days. Sometimes that means I can't peel myself out of the chair and we are watching "Super Why" on repeat.

Perhaps God is trying to teach me a solid lesson in patience. (If that's the case, I know I still have a ways to go!) Perhaps I'll just wake up one day feeling great. He will have completely healed me. Perhaps the MRI results will give my doctor (who has really been wonderful the last few weeks) a path to better treat me. I have faith in God and His plan, but it's hard when it doesn't seem to line up with my plans. (Perhaps I'm supposed to be learning that I will sleep through all of my best laid plans? Hmmm...)

I am grateful for my relative health, and the good health I've enjoyed throughout the majority of my life. I know this pain and dizziness is trivial in the grand scheme of things. I am grateful to live where health care is available and accessible, and to have insurance so we are able to afford it for the most part. Headache and all, I am truly blessed.