Musings on modesty: The Closet Project, Part 3

The modesty debate typically takes the forefront during warmer months, when the questions of "how short is too short?" and "one-piece or two-piece?" are on every Christian woman's mind. For me, those questions have fairly easy answers. I struggle more with modesty the rest of the year, to be honest. It seems like it should be easier when it's cold, right? Your natural instinct is to cover up and stay warm. But there is a big difference between merely covering your body and doing so modestly. You could be fully covered and warm in tights and a skin-tight sweater, but would that be modest?

Let me ask the question another way. Have you ever put something on and felt uncomfortable? I'm not talking about the feel of the fabric or other details that can cause discomfort. I mean how you felt, what you thought about yourself as you looked in the mirror. Did your eyes immediately move to a body part you are self-conscious about? Did you mentally resolve to eat better or exercise in order to drop a few pounds? Did you tug and pull at the fabric to try and cover yourself better?

I don't know for sure about you, but I know I've been there, and I'm willing to bet you have too. It's not a good feeling. You definitely don't want anyone to see you in that particular item or outfit. You feel exposed. You certainly don't feel beautiful. The piece of clothing in question doesn't have to be a too-short, too-tight skirt, either. It could just as easily be a lovely wool sweater that's just a bit too tight, or a pair of jeans that don't do your body justice.

There have been numerous attempts to quantify modesty over the years, but I think the above situation offers the best one I can think of: if you don't feel comfortable in it, it's not modest. Again, we aren't talking about physical discomfort (though if your outfit is that tight, it's definitely immodest!). God created us beautifully in His image, so there is nothing inherently wrong with our bodies. There is something wrong, however, with dressing in such a way that we feel overexposed and self-conscious. There’s nothing beautiful or appealing about clothing that barely covers you. The only appeal might be to the men around us, and even that is purely visceral. There is a time and place for that type of appeal, but it’s not at school, work, or while you’re walking down the street.

If you feel as though you can’t walk into just any store and find clothes that you feel comfortable buying and wearing, you’re not alone. Fashion and modesty often seem to be at odds with one another, and it’s tempting to buy and wear things that you feel uncomfortable in just to fit in. Furthermore, if a particular trend doesn’t look right on your body, it’s easy to blame yourself and want to change your body so the clothes look good. I’m pretty sure that’s not what God had in mind when He created us – “perfectly and wonderfully made”, unless we’re talking skinny jeans or halter tops. The same goes for the other extreme – feeling so ashamed of your body that you hide under shapeless layers, telling yourself that this is modesty.

There are plenty of styles that are both flattering and modest. Think about women whose style you admire. They know what looks good on them and they wear it. Almost without exception, they are attractive without being overexposed, and they don’t force themselves into things that don’t fit or flatter their unique shape. They find ways to incorporate trends while still doing their bodies justice. Most of all, they look confident, and that confidence is a beautiful thing – an accessory that never goes out of style. Modesty doesn’t have to hold you back when it comes to looking good and feeling good about how you look; it can be the very thing that leads you to dress attractively. Remember that the next time you look in the mirror.

A little about our family

How we met
My husband Dan and I met in high school in our church's youth group, in 2004. We found we had a lot in common: we both liked running, sports, time at the coast, going for walks, and while Dan didn't share my love of cooking, he did like to eat. Dan's learning to cook now, and I've learned to watch football (I even took a couple classes on it!) We started dating partway through the school year and continued through college, even though we went to different schools directly out of high school. After our freshman year of college, we both attended University of Oregon, and in July 2007, we got engaged. We were married one year later, on July 12, 2008.

Posing with our cake before we cut it.

Our new life together
We are both from Eugene, so we knew we wanted to start our new life together here. Luckily, we both had good jobs and found a nice starter apartment within a few weeks of graduation. Since we got married about a month later, this meant a lot of changes in just a few short weeks!
The first couple of years we were married, we focused on spending as much time together as possible. We knew we would be postponing starting a family for those years, since I was having my teeth straightened and couldn't finish the treatment without a number of X-rays and a possible surgery (not recommended during pregnancy). That's a whole story in and of itself, but suffice it to say I am thankful every day for my improved bite and my fantastic post-braces smile!
Since both of us tend to work long hours and our schedules didn't always overlap, we tried to plan little getaways to the coast or to visit friends in Portland or Seattle. The highlight of these trips was a ten-day road trip in 2010, where we drove down the Oregon and California coasts to Carmel, California, and then headed up to San Francisco for a few days before driving home.

Sure, you can pose with a streetcar in San Francisco- you just have to be at the baseball stadium!

This past summer, we did take one trip up to Seattle in early June, but we spent the majority of the summer focusing on something else: making our living space work for us instead of merely adapting to whatever space we were presented with after a move. We have moved a few times since we got married, once to get closer to Dan's work so we could keep living with one car, and once last summer to improve our living space. Look for an upcoming post detailing why we made this move and how it changed our lives for the better. Most recently, we were able to move into a two-bedroom apartment so we would have an extra room for our nursery - in case you haven't heard, we're expecting twin girls in June!

Me, 30 weeks pregnant

Getting ready for life as four
Over the past weeks, while I've been on bed rest to help prolong my pregnancy, my husband and our parents have been working hard to get the nursery ready for our girls. I am allowed up for small chunks of time during the day, so I've seen the progress and had input on many of the aspects so far. It's been a blessing knowing that we are opening our life together as two for the two little girls squirming inside me right now. The nursery is certainly the most tangible evidence of this, although the feeling has been there the whole time.
What about God's plan?
Though I've already written about the moment when we found out we were having twins, and plan to write more about my pregnancy, I haven't touched much on how much of a wake-up call this was for me. I was raised Catholic, as was my husband, and we continue to practice our faith. While we were dating and engaged, as well as in our early years of marriage, we'd discussed how many children we thought we'd have. I grew up with just one brother, while my husband has two younger siblings. Obviously, our experiences shaped our beliefs about the perfect family size. As our new family went from fantasy to reality when I got pregnant, I began to wonder anew about how many children we would have. I'd always pictured two, probably because that's what I grew up with. We knew we wanted to be young parents, to share our life with our kids instead of feeling like we had to sit back and watch them have fun. I could picture us playing with two little ones, running with them in the jogging stroller, eating meals together. I can think of so many times in my life where I looked to the future with exactly this type of image. My plan for the future. What about God's plan?
Around that time, someone had told me "the best way to make God laugh is to tell him YOUR plan". This resonated with me for some reason, and I began to feel more comfortable with our upcoming journey as a family, however many of us there might be. It was only about a week later that we went in for our first ultrasound and saw two tiny hearts beating on the screen. Ever since that day, I have had a deep sense of calm in regards to my pregnancy, knowing that this, like everything else, is part of a larger plan for us and for our life.
As a pregnant mama of twins, I get asked pretty frequently if the girls were a "surprise". After 7 months of answering this question, I am very comfortable with my answer: "They were a surprise, and we feel very blessed." Our little blessings, Emily Grace and Erin Maureen, are expected to join us sometime in the next 5 weeks or so. We can hardly wait to meet them, the tiny bundles that have been cradled so safely in my belly for the last 7 1/2 months. Their daddy loves to feel them wiggle, hiccup, and kick, and both of us want nothing more than to cradle them in our arms and let them know how loved they are.